No normal

I am a hard dark woman with a scorned face that Spites the sun and wakes the flames from angers hearth 

The volume is up and the phantoms of the past mask the ways in which I know how to love 

From being single to being yours is no easy task and the more I love the more I have to give away but it doesn't come easy and I have lost my way many times as my feelings grow and fade as days turn into more I'm afraid my embivilent heart will dry this love from me  

I can't sustain the measure of my pain as it leads me there to you 

I cannot take the words I hold and give you anything that resembles normal for me to love this way is anything but on which I can stand and reach out a hand but the savage doubts eat away my resilence in love I want it all but none 

One little eggshell cracks into two I can't find my way out of love with you 

Sorrow has already killed me and the shell of life is here waiting for a response ever so bright I want to be happy all through the night but my heart has sorrow none can take and the weight of my snark will come to break open the wounds that keep me tied up in this cocoon for the time I'm ready to open up won't be soon enough to trust this lust and all I have is all I want in this moment of push and pull take me in to turn me away I'm alive in love but it doesn't stay this way the dragons feast on broken parts and hearts that can't withstand the nature of my love on the land isn't for you it's not for me and as much as I love you I want to flee - 

Bad dreams

My nightmare was made up of you telling me you've been texting / talking with joe and Andi- it was clear to me I could not communicate with you anymore I was angry and hurt but felt as if all along I knew this day would be here 

I walked alone again

Somber in my reproach

I woke up knowing 

Cold 

Alone

I was cut off from all things I've loved 

Bitter at the circumstances of my life

Unwilling to waver the affections I did before unwilling to walk this road again

My life unmanageable 

My 

Mood draining 

My 

Resolve faded

Don't talk to me I am like the wind 

No I won't talk back to you in blank stares and snarky words I won't open a crack to you my faded lover in my own misery I will cocoon 

Protected from the disappointment that looms

Mourning

I love a man who is going to leave me and he won't be the first 

I told him I would love him last before he leaves me he just must know my love is strong my love is fast it might taste fickle it might not last but I will give it while I can but not just to any a man but the ones who will leave with dreams up their sleeves and retributions for me to believe 

Holding on for you

You are here and that is enough to fill my heart with space for you

I'm patient in your sleeping arms 

With love waiting to shed 

Open yourself to me in small ways 

Bite size before you surrender 

To let me in

My head spins but I hold my ground in the sound of your words to me 

Please don't flee 

I'm coming to you 

Shy this time and I want to hide 

Turned down the sound on our love

Passions wane your hearts in pain and the truth slow but sure come out 

Your full of doubt or a drop or few are you one man or are you two

Can you see me waiting here for you 

one too many me too few

I'm the lover looking at you

My arms are strong but my heart so weak I want to open it to find some relief 

I let you go for your own soul calls I let you walk with crippled legs until you could stand  sure I was the one  

Listening to you toss and turn in the night listening to you 

cry to tell you it's all right 

Are you my mountain or made of sand 

Life before I met you was so bland 

But I wont keep the things that don't belong and although I love you I'll move you on to freedom from chains you can't explain from pleasure to lips that forget my name one in the same of forgotten things that life can sting when the heart starts to sing we walk from confusion to surrendered bliss one more moment with you while I steal this kiss I can feel the change of things to come but hold on tight for my lovers fight has just begun 

Enough

I love a man I tucked into my bed

In dreams and bedsheets he swirls 

From this time and place 

Take me back with you I want to say

But the dream is dying and he doesn't want to stay 

I will help you leave in a sweet embrace I will wipe your brow and touch your face 

For distant eyes have been replaced

With the words I don't want to escape

Swept away

Out in the limbs 

We stretch with out touches

The length is only as far as we can be deep and relevant with ourselves

The elusive feelings fester

I will give this away without 

Trusting you 

The frozen limbs cling to life as the forgotten seasons are already passing

The wind swept hairs vanish before we can trace our names in the sand

The time runs out on love 

Flip the switch

I exist 

I decided I was going to love you

That you would be the last person I would 

If I didnt open up now I never could

You were here 

Wanting in all your elusive 

Invitations 

Everyone else was hindsight 

Your the love I want to keep with me all night 

Those were lonesome years without you

All is now I want here in you

I will make it true

By getting out of my way loving the way

We fail and return because love will burn if fumes are truth between our lips and the worlds can open wide

I already chose you and so it ha s begun